...tongue-in-cheek...

My grade 6s had an excerpt from the book "The Pigman and Me" by Paul Zindel and I found this quote fitting. It made me laugh, perhaps on account of my recent strain of bad luck, or simply because it appeals to the cynic inside of me. Also, it could just be funny.

"Life does [this] to us a lot. Just when we think something awful's going to happen one way, it throws you a curve and the something awful happens another way."

Last night, as Heleen, Janet, Ruth, and 'Benji-the-newbie' (forgive me, Benjamin, but it's just so catchy!) were sitting at the dinner table discussing the day's events over plates of curry (which, you'll be pleased to hear, I have finally mastered. I now no longer burn off the delicate top layer of skin cells inside my guests mouths with 'too-hot-to-handle' curry. Not even yogurt could help me. Who knew you only needed one spoonful of curry, not six? I'm learning new things every day), and I was recounting to them the fact that I now am unable to sleep through the a full night since the 'kitten catastrophe' a week ago.

I'm not tortured with visions of the dead kitten's slobbered on body (surprising, you'd think I would be) but instead I'm kept awake by every stray bark, growl, scratch, or roll-over of not only our dog, Frodo, but virtually every dog in the neighbourhood. It does not help that recently the dogs have taken to howling mournfully around midnight. When I hear their frightening performances, I'm fairly certain that the dogs have magically found a way to capture the surviving kitten and are now performing some sort of doggie death ritual before playing with it until it expires. I lie in my bed trying to convince myself that everything is alright, but inevitably I end up getting out of bed and checking on the kitten, which, by the way, is now safely barracaded with its mother on the kitchen landing. I'm not fooled by this however. I am well versed in Murphy's law and I know that if something can go wrong, it will.

And if nothing is actually going wrong, I'll create it. Last night I also had Janet pull a scab off of the tip of the kitten's tail. I thought it was a tick (don't even get me started with how guilty I now feel). Ticks can cause paralysis, and the kitten has been twitching a lot lately (read also as: trying to walk) so maybe the crippling has already begun. I'm also convinced the kitten could be blind (I'm ignoring the fact that it finally just opened its eyes on Tuesday. Irrelevant). You see, my friends, this is why I should not be allowed to have children any time in the near future. Imagine what I will be like as a new mother? I shudder to think of it. No one will be enjoying any sleep in my house, that's for certain! I'll probably be up every 5 minutes to check that the kid hasn't died from SIDS or learned to roll over in its sleep while I wasn't looking.

All I have to say is that if the kitten makes it through all of this...it'll be a miracle. I don't think I should be allowed around infants or newly birthed animals for long periods of time. It's really in everyone's best interests.