Thursday, March 15, 2007

...tragedy on Animal Farm...

This week has been the worst week I've had since I've been here (and really, it hasn't been that bad, just emotionally draining). To begin with, I'm in the 7 month slump - I'm missing friends and family from back home and all the familiar things. The everyday things that I've grown accustomed to here, but that are vastly different from anything I'm used to, are beginning to grate on my nerves a bit. I swear, if I hear one more horn honking for absolutely no reason, I'm going to start throwing rocks.

Monday: Alright, so to start this week off, I was feeling far away from all of the people back home and then I get the news that Linds is engaged (which, is thrilling, however makes me miss home all the more, so it's sort of a bittersweetness...kinda like SweetTarts). I get to talk to my friend Britt on MSN and read her blog which she finally updated, also quite hilarious. Great to talk, but not the same as going out for coffee at 2am, right?

Tuesday was a better day, but still draining as I continued to deal with feeling far away. And then my friend Cam called me! That was awesome! And also compounded the homesickness feelings. That's just not fair - I should be excited and happy about phone calls and chances to talk to people from back home, but they make me feel sader at the moment. Went to Mamba Point and watched "The Terminal" (which some people hate, I think is funny) and wondered if Canada might coup on my way home and I could get stuck in an airport for a year. It could happen...you know how those Quebecois are. :) (kidding, kidding, love the French, love them!)

Wednesday really should have been a great day and it was going so well to start too...The kids were doing science fair presentations all day, and then in the afternoon we were given time to work on curriculum mapping/professional development stuff (translate this as: no teaching on Wednesday) and I even got to talk to a friend about a weekend trip to Cape Split in Nova Scotia when I get back (of course, it would be nice to go now, but there's that ocean in the way...) So for all intents and purposes, Wednesday was supposed to be a great day. I even had a spaghetti dinner to go to after school. And then it all came crashing down.

Yesterday I wrote about how I was excited to go home and watch the two new kittens and so I went home to do just that....except when I went to see them ,they were nowhere to be found! Queen Beatrix was sitting on the step and crying. Uh oh. Something was clearly wrong. I knew that they weren't going to be safe on the landing outside the kitchen. I should have listened to my instincts. At first I couldn't see either of the kittens, but then I saw one sitting shivering and shaking on the step. It was half-wet with dog slobber. Sure enough, the dog had got it. I scooped the kitten up and ran to put it inside. It crawled up my neck mewing and it's needle-like claws got snagged on my shirt. Every time I touched it it seemed to scream at me, and I feared something was broken. I picked up the Mama cat and put her inside with the rescued kitten. She ignored the kitten despite its crying. I felt a wave of panic and thought "what if the cat won't recognize her kittens now that the dog has played with them?" Then I realised that I only had one of the two kittens and went back outside in search of the other one.

At first I couldn't find it, but then I saw it's body. It's slobbered down fur made it blend in with the grey concrete. The dog had been playing with it and clearly had mauled it to death. I was so mad. I sat staring at it for a few minutes, hoping to see some small sign of life. I poked it with my finger. It did nothing but flop back into place limply. I yelled at the guard. I picked up the dog, who tried to run away from me (he knew what he'd done) and chained him up and then went back inside to check on the surviving kitten. It was wimpering and mewing in a corner trying to elicit some warmth and comfort from the cement wall. As you can imagine it wasn't overly successful. Beatrix the cat still wouldn't even look at it.

I decided to put Beatrix back outside in the place where she had originally lost her kittens. She sat there, mornfully look around for her lost babies. It was pitiful. Then I thought, "maybe if I bring the kitten out here she'll recognize it" and sure enough, she did! I was so relieved. I felt completely helpless - how was I supposed to care for a week old kitten? But as soon as I put the tiny kitten back down on the porch, Beatrix started meowing and licking her. I sat and watched the mewing-crying-squeaking reunion with tears pricking my eyes. I went to go and wash my hands and face and told the guard to bury the dead kitten. When I came back to check on the cats, I didn't hear any noise and for a moment I panicked. But all was well. The kitten was nursing, and Beatrix had licked it clean - it was a fluffy orange ball once again. Thankfully, it seemed no worse for wear.

Still, I didn't sleep well last night. I felt guilty for leaving the helpless kittens at the mercy of our stupid dog (his actions further cemented my disdain for 'man's best friend') and wondering if I had of gone outside to find the second kitten earlier if perhaps it could have survived. At least there is one left. I don't know what I'm going to do if I go home and it's sprawled out on the step... I just don't like to see things suffer, whether animal or human, especially when it can be avoided and is unnecessary.


In other unnecessary deaths lately, the woman who sells cassava at the bottom of the hill gave birth to her baby a few weeks ago. She is the mother of the girl in the black and white picture a few entries below. Tragically, her baby boy died a day and a half after his birth. It makes me so sad and angry at the injustice in this world, and I hate feeling helpless against it.

Needless to say, I'm hoping Thursday will look a little bit brighter.

As my mother used to tell me at the times when I was inconsolably sad as a child: (one of those being after I smooshed a spider against the wall after hurtling towards it with a story book held high and uttering a blood-curdling war cry...post-squishing my mother asked "What did you do that for?" to which I replied, with matter-of-fact logic, "because it was a spider!" And my mother - who hates spiders - said "But spiders eat other bugs, like mosquitoes; they help us. Why did you kill it?" So of course I burst into tears, regretting what I'd done. Seemingly, I can't even bear to see a spider be killed), "This too shall pass."

4 Comments:

At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Em,

My thoughts and prayers are with Beatrix and her kitten. Hope the rest of your week shines a little brighter for you :)

Rui

 
At 5:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Em,

I am so sorry you lost one of your kittens... honestly there is a lot of sadness floating around the world this week, but I do believe that means things should only get better and brighter.

And I hope that you still have some softness for man's best friend... well basically just Kaia because she and I both love and miss you :-)

Erin

 
At 9:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Em, I can't imagine what missing home and losing a kitten and experiencing the worlds injustice would be like all wrapped into one week. What I can say is that, as someone who has always wanted to something like what you are doing there, you are certainly having a great experience. Your moms advise was right and after it does pass you'll have had an experience many of us can only read about on blogs. I wanna hear about it in person when you get back.

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger T said...

Hey Em,

sorry to hear about your kittens...glad that one made it though that horrific ordeal. And about 'man's best friend'...ya i dunno. I like dogs...but I'm allergic to the ones that shed...

They are fun to play with...but I'm going to just stick with that...play with the dog and let someone else own it. Not worth it really...they are more expensive than having a kid sometimes...

 

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